Nurses week

I got a hair cut today.  Nothing fancy, just a trim to clean up the damage that a combination of cheap shampoo, windy runs, and curling irons bring to long hair.  My Mr. encouraged me to enjoy the afternoon solo.  To get my hair cut and do...whatever.

By myself.

This may seem outrageous to some, but as a wife, mama to three, RN, and grad student...well I haven't really done this before.

In fact, my daily run (if I don't run during the day while pushing the Kip and Jovie, in the stroller of course) is the only time I am ever really alone.

So I sat at a local book store, white chocolate mocha in hand, with a trashy magazine.  I wasn't super interested in Kim K's latest life crisis, or how Princess Kate's pregnancy was going, so I sat the magazine aside and just people watched.  The mother who seemed frazzled with her two not-listenening toddlers, the business guy with the geeky socks, the grandma with the bedazzled cane and her "Fifty Shades of Grey" book in hand...it all made me giggle. I've been that frazzled mother, and my Mr. dresses in a way that might make some giggle (think Dr. House style), and well granny with her (from what I've heard) rather sexually charged book, and the fact that she used a cane and was reading such a book...well.

I left after 30 minutes, bored as a gourd.

I'm so use to doing, being, working, moving, thinking, cleaning, tending, running, loving, mothering, disciplining, nurturing, etc that I don't know how to be still.

Perhaps this constant movement that is my life is the reason that I half-jokingly, half whole-heartedly whisper to Jovie "don't be a nurse, don't ever be a nurse!"

Being a wife, mama, and nurse means that you are always taking care of someone.  Always.  I have been blessed with the hardest, best jobs in life.  I wouldn't change anything.

I mean, I'm pretty lucky to get to wear work attire that closely resembles pajamas every day!

Anyway, it is nurses week this week, so go love on one!

This August is my 4th "Nurse-versary"

4 years of doing a job that is mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging.  In these 4 years, because we've moved so much, I've worked in a variety of areas:

*pediatric psychiatric nurse
* neurology/oncolocy (stroke/seizure/cancer) nurse
*mother/baby nurse
*and as a medical surgical nurse (my floor is specific to ortho)

Hopefully my experience will help me to become an amazing APRN!

Med/Surg RN

My first night on my new job, back in med/surg world, I helped out in a code on my unit.

They always suck.

I'm not an adrenaline junkie.  I don't get a thrill from it.

It is unsettling.

The way a room goes from calm to chaos.  How this room that seconds ago seemed so large, turns cramped with healthcare workers in a matter of minutes.  The way our phones blare that annoying beep of the code call.  Seeing a lifeless body in a bed.  Taking an active part in circulating oxygenated blood through this lifeless patient's body.  It is hard work.  The physical kid of hard work, where your muscles fatigue and you get all sweaty.  Where the force of the chest compressions you are doing, to keep this person alive, causes trauma to their body...rib bones breaking in the process, underneath my very own hands.  But I continue on, knowing a broken rib is a small sacrifice if CPR works, if life is regained.  And then we all pause, for a moment the noise in the room quiets to the sound of the crash cart, awaiting to check a rhythm, asystole.  More meds, more CPR, and in the chaos of orders being called out, and people doing what needs done, the patient's family walks in and the emotional part comes into play.  The dynamic in the room changes.

This nursing job, is hard work.  Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

So this new position of mine, drastically different from my old position in mother/baby land.  I miss my old job today.  So much.  I just keep telling myself "I can do anything for two, twelve hour shifts a week."

I am being stretched, I know this is a good thing.  It just is hard.

Perhaps I'll pick up a shift back in couplet care, to change the pace a bit.  I'd like that.

Job change

8:50am, and I’m home 30 minutes later than usual from work.  A new transition to an electronic charting system at work is the blame.  The overtime and bonus pay will be nice, however no amount of money replaces those 30 minutes that I missed with these kids of mine.

I walk in the door, she grabs my hand, says “lets go find Woohoo”

I’m not sure what or who this “woohoo” she speaks of is.

But she is cute, they way she grasps my thumb with her tiny hand melts me.

My sweet, sweet girl that I am so lucky to have.

He leaves me love notes.

Everywhere.

“I luv you mom”

Written in his perfect 6 year old handwriting.

On the shower wall, or post it note surprises in my lunch box.

Can I just keep him 6 years old forever?

Because I love this age, I do.

Middle little says lets “quay hide-n-seek, and have blankie snuggles”

His cuteness is impossible to resist.

And even though I know I should take advantage of sleep, since I just got home from working 12 hours of night shift and have to return again tonight…

I indulge. 

In them.

Every second with them is worth the lack of sleep.

But I’m also learning that a person needs stability.  I can’t keep flip flopping days and nights so frequently anymore.

Which is exactly why I am choosing to leave my current job. 

The job that I dreamt about while in nursing school.  The one that motivated me to deal with those long hours of studying, stressing and then taking exams while in nursing school.  I always wanted to be a labor and delivery/mother baby nurse.

And I am one.  But just until March 23. 

I have mixed feelings about the job switch.

HUGE mixed feelings.

I’ve loved this past year of work – except for the scheduling issues.  I love my girls at work.  So much.  It is amazing the bonding that occurs between two women when forced to hang out for 12 hour shifts 2-3 times a week.

But my future role as a nurse practitioner, and my family will benefit so much from this job switch I am about to make.

So I’m diving in.  Head first.  Without regrets.

My 48-minute commute time will be cut in half.  Which equals a lot more hours in a week that I will regain to raise my children.  To mother.  To be a wife.  To do what my heart loves.

Which will always trump what my RN heart wants.  Always.

I’m so thankful and blessed that I was an RN who was able to see families born everyday.  But I’m even more thankful that nursing allows for changes to accommodate needs of families all the time. 

Goodbye dream job. 

I’m stepping forward, in hopes that my real “dream job” is still out there.  Having faith that this NP thing is going to work out.

A day in the life - when K has a break from school and doesn't have to work

The phone alarm at 6:30am lets me know it is time to wake R for school.  I touch his arm to wake him, despite the fact that last night he said "nobody can wake me up in the morning, NOBODY!"

R - "I said NOBODY could wake me up!"

"Good morning love, see you downstairs in a bit"

His bed head makes me smile as he makes his grand entrance downstairs.  I'm already putting together his lunch for school, his breakfast of poppyseed muffin is on the table - cut in half, the only way he will eat it.  "Good morning mom, I'm ready for breakfast"

The boys sit together at the table and eat breakfast. 

Clearly R is NOT a morning person, but once the initial wake up is over, his mood drastically changes.

It was 21 degrees this morning so I drove R to the bus, K came along for the ride, causing R to comment that "K says he sees the stars or moon twenty-two-five-thousand times, and it gets annoying!" What can I say, K loves astronomy.

We waved goodbye as R got on the bus, I snuck in a quick kiss, I always do.  He says "moooom" in that annoyed, yet I know he likes it still, sort of way.

We got home from drop off, and I decided to reclaim my living room floor.  I kept K busy for a bit, as I told him to try and find all the sneaky socks that were hiding in the pile, then try to match them up.  He (mostly) did a great job.  That mountain of laundry is folded.  I counted 11 dryer sheets, which means ELEVEN loads were sitting there on the floor, wrinkled and clean.  For the moment my laundry room was empty.  A huge accomplishment.  It filled up quickly though...

J woke up at 8:30am - changed her diaper, then went downstairs for breakfast.  K always eats a second breakfast with J.  Chocolate milk (milk mixed with instant breakfast), and Cheerios...always.

After breakfast, it was playdoh time.  That lasted an hour.  Seriously.  These toddlers are OBSESSED.  Then we went for an outdoor adventure walk, they were annoyed they had to wear hat and gloves.

We came back and K asked to vacuum.  Seriously.  He likes to do it.  And similar to the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" K's vacuum job turned into wanting to wipe the mirrors down, then put away clothes, then sweep the floors.

So, my house is now clean.  Let me elaborate, clean in the sense that K helped me wipe down the bathroom mirrors - so clean with streaks, and K vacuumed the front room - so maybe more missed spots than vacuumed, and J helped pick up the toystore  play room explosion - so maybe more mixed up toys in bins than organized, and J helped "seep a floor" - which really consists of her spreading everything I swept up back around the floor.  So maybe my standard of clean doesn't equate to the kind of clean that a cleaning service would offer, but the current state of my house is clean, and I'm happy.  The streaks, the missed spots, the kitchen dust bunnies, the unorganized toy bins, the way it gets messy before it is really clean, clean...I love our house, and the people who make it a home.

Perhaps this mornings line up - playdoh, chilly outdoor adventure (it was 26 degrees for our walk) and then the enormous cleaning spree was a little too much activity for my toddlers.  There are flash cards and color crayons/books that didn't get picked up before naptime - we stretched our morning out too long, and had to abandoned the activity mid session related to an all out brawl over the purple crayon.  Purple.  He didn't even know which color it was, but she had it, and so of course he wanted it.  So I whisked them upstairs.  He fell asleep, woke up 3 hours later sobbing because his bed was wet.  Then the sob-fest intensified as I had to wash all the blankets, including his most special brown blankies.

We got R from the bus stop, came home to have a snack - apples, fruit snacks, and Cheeze-its.  R talked about PE, and how he didn't want to do his homework right now, and asked me to play angry birds.

A fight over the angry birds (between brothers) ended that activity, and was the start of some much needed quiet time for my kindergartener.  K got bored and remembered he wanted his blanket from earlier, so we switched it into the dryer.  

He is sitting in front of the dryer waiting for them.  Seriously.

J is writing on a post-it note, left handed, sitting on my lap as I type.  A post-it note with P scribbles of random to-do stuff.  He leaves them everywhere.  I hope this to-do list was done.  If not, it is not legible anymore.

We all played in the play room, were we messed up the cleanliness that it once was earlier in the day.  But they had fun, and played well together for almost 2 whole hours - which given the high activity of the day is a win.

P was at work, and got home in time to tuck them in.  So I faked a dinner to span out the time that I could be doing something with my kids instead of cooking.  Tuna and crackers, and fruit (bananas, grapes, and raspberries).  It is nice doing dinner that way every once in a while because I know each and every one of them will eat it.

Bathtime happened at 6pm, with bubbles because we do bathtime right around here.  Then I slathered em' up with lotion because this dry, cold weather is just nasty to their skin.  Then it was time for  books - R read one of them, and then bed.  J always needs her blanket, doll and kitty cat (stuffed animal), R will only cover up with his angry birds blanket, and then sleep on the left side of his bed (since it is a school night, he sleeps on the right on the weekends...weird I know), K will need his blankies and then say "after night-night we'll got to the swings at the park," (even though we don't do that every day, he asks to do it every.single.night).

I run on the treadmill - 6 miles cause I'm trying to get back into marathon shape.  P works.

Shower, and then relax watching TV - because at the moment I don't have homework.

Bed by midnight, because I'm not working.  Woot.