A "ticky" situation

I was tucking R into bed yesterday night after listening to him read.  He said his eye hurt.  I looked at it, and said "we'll take you to the doctor in the morning."  Surely it is conjunctivitis (pink eye) - nothing that required an ER visit at 6:30pm on a Sunday.  As I go to kiss him goodnight I spot something dark inside his ear.

"Ryk does your ear hurt?" questioning if he had a ruptured ear drum or something.

He denies any pain.  I get a Q-tip to clean it out, and nothing comes out...still dark inside his ear.

I go downstairs to get my otoscope - finally making good use of the $600 spent on the stinking thing.  I piece it together and get ready to peer inside and spot...

a watermelon seed?  Nope.  It looked like one though.

It was a...TICK!

At this point it is just after 7:00pm on a Sunday, so I call the pediatrician to see what to do, I am calm and collected about the situation, omitting the whole "OMG you have a BUG in your EAR part to Ryk because the last thing I need is a spazzing out, bug eared six year old on my hands.

I calmly explain to Paul, and he flips.the.heck.out.

"TAKE HIM TO THE ER.  GET THE BUG BIOPSIED.  TAKE CARE OF IT."

Overreacting...just a bit.

I tell him I called the pediatrician and am waiting for them to call back.

15 minutes pass.

Paul's eyes are about ready to pop out of his head at this point.  Seriously.  He is getting irritated at me for not handling this buggy situation, I am calmly waiting for the phone call back...

After 20 minutes, and right as I was getting R into the van to take him to the closest children's hospital, I get a phone call back.  The on-call pediatrician tells me because of the location of the tick (inside his ear canal) I need to bring him in to get it removed just incase it gets stuck...

Great.

So I drive there, and make small talk with R, telling him we are just going in because he "might have an ear infection" leaving out the whole - oh hey son, just taking you to the ER to get a bug removed from your ear.

We get there, watch a movie in the waiting room, get banded with matching bracelets, and wait to be called back.




The pediatrician comes in before the nurse does, tweezers and specimen cup in hand.  She quickly removes the tick (which takes along a piece of my sweet R with him, darn bug!), asks R if he wants to take it home and R, who is horrified, says



"what if it gets my brother or sister?"

They seal that sucker up in the specimen cup for proper disposal, never to suck blood from another human.

I was told to do daily tick checks on this kiddos because we had a mild winter so ticks are rampant this year.  Now I know how to remove a tick, and to watch for fever, rash, and joint pain (signs of lyme disease).

He was diagnosed with "tick bite" and "conjunctivitis" the remedy for this...a dipped cone at DQ (and some not so pleasant eye drops).

Such a stud.

Discussing taboo

I had to leave work abruptly.  I explained my scenario, and after my manager quickly brought in another nurse to take my place she said...

"I don't know how to respond to that"

She said it with bold sincerity.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Because the truth is, I don't know how to respond to it either.

and so my eyes have been a leaky mess, I've loved on my husband more, and I've hugged my kids tighter.

*****

Every mother wants to shout her joy, to everyone, once her eyes spot that bold positive sign on a pregnancy test.  But the taboo topic of miscarriage often forces many to wait out those first 12 weeks of pregnancy solo, hiding their joy because of the fear that they might just be that early miscarriage statistic.

Instead, I chose joy and hope, and shouted to the rooftop our excitement, nervousness, and anticipation of sweet baby #4.

Because it was joy.  A baby, with a visible heartbeat at 6 weeks 2 days. 

...and now the harsh reality.

I walked around with a constant reminder of pregnancy - a belly that still looked pregnant, and morning sickness that was attempting to fool every inkling in my soul, making me want to believe that this baby I have carried and grown to love those past 10 weeks is still thriving.

Because it isn't.

*****

After leaving work, a 1:30am ER visit yielded an ultrasound.  I asked the ultrasound tech to let me hear the heart beat, I wanted reassurance.  I didn't want to wait.  Oh my heart hurt.  She did exactly what I didn't want her to - she was quiet, for too long, and when she did speak I suddenly didn't want her to, because I knew what I was eventually going to be told. 

"I just do the scan, the doctor will go over the results in 30 minutes or so."  She continued to do her thing with the monitor turned at an angle which didn't allow for my viewing.

My heart sank, and the tears wouldn't stop.  

The ER doctor was so kind, acknowledging this matter so sensitively.  He didn't delay the results, he was quick to come into my room, and sat down right next to me - 

"I am so very sorry, but the ultrasound didn't detect a heartbeat." 

He valued this loss for exactly what it was, a baby, that we love, and already acknowledge as part of our family.  After that everything he said was all fuzzy.  He asked me if I needed any pain meds as he suspected a miscarriage will eventually follow in the next few weeks, and that it is important I contact my OB as soon as possible.    

I called my OB, who made me feel like her only patient she cares for.  Her compassion was exactly what I needed.  We made a plan, and for that I was thankful.

*****

My heart is aching knowing that this baby is still with me, but isn't...and that doesn't make sense at all, but at the same time it make all the sense in the world.

The truth is, there was life inside of me for 10 weeks and 2 days.  Which may not seem of value to some; but that is 72 morning runs spent planning and dreaming about life as mama to 4 little loves, 72 prenatal vitamins, 72 days of belly rubs, 72 days of gender wondering, 72 days of name searching, 72 days of celebrating the joys of pregnancy and new life.

Joyous life, and there is nothing taboo about that.

Yes, there isn't life anymore, and my heart is aching, but I have loved being able to celebrate the joy while it was there.

I know for certain, that I am blessed, regardless of this outcome. I am so lucky to have an amazing Mr. who loves me unconditionally - through the ugly cries resulting in swollen little eyes, and nights without home cooked meals.

To have three little loves, here with me, who give unsolicited hugs and kisses, and bring me "flowers" from the yard just when I need them most.

I am thankful for, and will always be gracious about, what I have been gifted with.  It would be a lie to say that this doesn't hurt terribly bad, that I'm not sad, or angry, or mad, or bitter...because I have been all of this.  But I am also feeling very fortunate and am focusing on savoring every moment with the four amazing people next to me.

Three amigos

When things suck all I need to do is be with them.

Because their zest for life makes it hard to be upset.

Happiness at the track

Running has always been a love of mine.  I do it when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, mad...and when I'm done pounding pavement for 1,2,3,4,5,6+ miles I come back a different woman.  

I wasn't able to run for a bit, to let my body heal.  The hiatus from running was tough.  So we went to the local high school, and I watched my Mr. play "coach" as my littles ran around the track. 

My Mr. explain what the this green dashed line was for - the start of the 3,000 meter run.  R attempted to get into a sprint start.  Thankfully for him he has time to master this start position, or commit to distance running and never need to utilize it, because with form  like that - this little man has some work cut out for him :).

Seeing the determination in my tiny lady's eyes as she ran an entire lap around the track without stopping, such a proud moment for this mama, my 2 year old lady with legs of steel.  

Power-house K ran 1/2 mile, then found a bench to take "a water break" 

My 6 year old has a stride that is more fluid and strong than it was just earlier this year.  After 2 "easy laps" R was quick to lose his shirt.  This kid prefers as few clothing items as possible.

No matter what is happening, it is hard not to be happy watching this.  Happiness at the track, always.  My Mr. in his element.

Nothing sexier than this man, with his crew, at our favorite place.

4

I sent P a text a few months back- which he apparently showed to friends and co-workers (thanks honey) about my paranoia because I felt like I had heightened sense of smell.

I let it boil over for a week.  A week.

Then I went to Walmart - because the purchase I was going to make seemed appropriate to do from that store...especially with three kids in tow.

Lets step back a bit.

I had an IUD, Mirena to be precise.  She'd been trustworthy for 2 years 3 months and...

well.

I has since been removed.

A positive pregnancy test on Mother's day 2013.

I quickly got an appointment to see an OB the Monday after Mother's day, she said this was her first case of a viable pregnancy with an IUD.  They did an ultrasound that day to make sure the pregnancy was implanted in the right place (most times a pregnancy with an IUD is ectopic - where it implants outside the uterus).  I was 5 weeks 2 days along, and sure enough, the pregnancy was right where it should be, and to much surprise not just one...but two!

Seriously.

I was at the appointment solo, I cried.

It was a weird cry - disbelief, excitement, nervousness - so many overwhelming emotions.  Grad school, working as a RN, three kids at home, and now twins...

Because we absolutely thrive in chaos I knew it would all be okay.

Going from 3 to 5 kids, here without family support, while I finish grad school and continue to work...well, I was feeling like I needed to do a lot of positive self talk - "we can rock this, because we are rockstars" sort of stuff.

As I was getting more set on the idea of making this all work, I went in for another appointment, and this appointment confirmed what I didn't imagine playing out in this scenario - one healthy heartbeat.  I didn't have any spotting or cramping, it didn't make sense.

I was told it was vanishing twin syndrome.  They tried to reassure me that things would be fine with baby, and to take it easy for a week.

So I took it easy, and I worried.

Long story shortened...

Today's appointment - the first appointment where we welcome the reassuring sound of a heartbeat.  I am 10 weeks along now, with one tiny human that is the size of a trap in my belly, and just so thankful for every blessing I have in my life.

We are cautiously optimistic, and feeling like this little bundle will stick around for the duration and be welcomed into our family in January 2014.

Anyway, here we go for the 4th time, which is just as exciting as the first!  Cheers to growing a family of 6!

Swinging - boys vs girl

She likes to swing, all day long.  Singing with her eyes closed.  Such a girl.

 These two prefer superman style, flying high in the air.

They could do it all day long.  Too bad we only have two swings...

Girly girl

Superhero family

House-aversary

We've lived in our house a year now.

Our first house.

The house neither of use really wanted to buy, but looked past the cosmetics quirks, and said "yes" to.  Because we knew that someday we can change those cosmetic quirks, but the value of being districted in the perfect public school district, in a great neighborhood, and falling in love with the space...that was too good of a deal to pass up.

As we are finally starting to almost be at a point where we feel like we could start changing the cosmetics that we don't like - painting our woodwork to white, planting trees in our tree-less backyard, re-painting walls, replacing floors, switching out those eye-sore light fixtures above the fireplace, adding tile in the kitchen...I learn about radon in one of my nursing courses.

Aside from smoking, radon is the leading cause of lung cancer, and happens to be a huge issue with homes in Kentucky.  A huge issue we have to address.

So I went to purchase a radon kit, sent it in, and got results that said we need a mitigation system.

Mitigation system = several thousand dollars.

Such is life.  So we'll continue to deal with the ugly paint job and I will continue to dream up the perfect decorating styles that I'll someday carry out...because for now, keeping their lungs healthy is what matters most.

I'm thankful for a big home, and while it isn't decorated at all, it will do.  Because what matters most is what happens inside.  And currently what is happening inside our home is the value of raising beautiful kids, inside and out.