This morning I struggled.

The kiddos and I have been sick here.  Flu sick.  Not stomach flu, but the cough so hard you vomit, high fever, body aches, go through a box of kleenex in a couple hours sort of flu.  It has been tiring, and I am ready for it to pass.

I woke R up for school, and it was war.  Seriously.

Problem #1.  There weren't any poppy seed muffins.  My 7 year old is a little mister of routine.  He'll be one of those gray haired old guys who is at McD's at 7am every day for a sausage McMuffin and a senior coffee.  Every single morning before school he has his routine.  When it is thrown off, well it is disaster.  He fussed his way through breakfast, a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, hating the world even more with each bite.  Problem #2 he didn't want to go to school.

He has never blown a fit prior to school.  This morning...terrible. 

"I hate school, I'm not going, you can't make me!"

I tried to validate his feelings that it is okay not to like something, but just because you don't want to do something, sometimes you HAVE to do it.  I told him I hated going to school/work too and would prefer to always stay home with him, but I just have to do these things even though I didn't want to...it fell on deaf ears.

After putting his shoes, hat and coat on him (yes, I had to do this, remember he wasn't going to school and I couldn't make him), I took him to the bus stop.  His vocal hatred of school continued the 5 min walk to the bus stop.  I kissed him goodbye, told him I loved him very much and would see him after school. We normally wave to each other as the bus passes by our house, today his sad face just stared back at me.

My heart sunk.

Parenting is tough business.  It is a daily struggle of finding that perfect balance of when to push them a little harder, and when to let them off the hook.  I always want to do right by them.  Always.  This morning, it felt like a mama fail moment.  I hate that.

So I emailed his teacher and asked her to call me if he seems sick and needs to come home because of being sick.  I just don't want him to think he can get away with missing school because he acts out.

I think the underlying issue is...he just misses his mama.  Truth be told, I miss him more, and would keep him home every single day if that was in our cards.  But it isn't, and so we do the best we can, with what we have.  And when we don't do our best, we try again to make tomorrow better.

In an attempt to make tomorrow better, I am dragging my sick self to Costco today (along with two sick preschoolers)...to buy those darn poppyseed muffins (yes, I can make them just the same, but NO "they are not the big ones" and the little ones I make "taste differently than the big ones Costco makes").  So I choose my battles, and tomorrow I choose to have breakfast for the little mister of routine in this house ready.  Prepared to have one less battle to fight.

Tomorrow.  It will be better. 

 

The short, lovely moments of fall-like weather

The weather took a chilly turn this past week, from beautiful fall-like, sunny and 60 to stark-cold, winter in the 30s.

Before this drastic change we had one last outdoor adventure free from the bindings of winter attire.

This is what happens when you force a picture...yeah, we are cute.

After the quick self portrait we ran around pretending to be dinosaurs, then we played "old-grandma tag," (every one runs around with a fake cane, grabbing their back, and bending over all old-grandma like).  My kids were all wearing rather sweet, self-selected outfits.

November was the month of a gazillion caterpillars around here.  My kids slowly began to love "fuzzy worms" (Kip) or "pat-a-pillars" (Jovie).

My hesitant, non-insect/creature loving, favorite, firstborn finally willed up enough courage to hold one.

and my little mama found a pat-a-pillar on the drive way and said "I don't want it a get squashed mama, I put it in the grass, it will be much better"  So she did.

Kip, pajama pants, and outdoors...I suppose the benefit is less laundry for this mama.  And shoes...always optional when home with mama.  With dad - shoes are a must.

R decided he was done with being the subject of many pictures, and asked to have a try with my camera.  After a huge gulp, and an explanation of this is a SUPER expensive camera, I hesitated, and then let him give it a shot...and I was thrilled with the outcome of his skill.

 He was so excited to show me an all black caterpillar.

and then found this little guy on the window...

Near miss speeding ticket

The swishing of my RN badge across my galaxy blue scrub top, annoyed me as I bent down, frantically rummaging through the glove box.  Those blue flashing lights amidst the pitch black 7:58pm sky, paired with thoughts of a huge speeding ticket - the month before Christmas - put a damper on my mood.  To top it off, the most recent insurance card I can weasel out of the crap filled glove box is from February 2012.  Perfect.  I sigh, and reluctantly hand it over with a meager...State Farm withdrew $118 from my account on Friday, I promise I really do have car insurance despite my almost two year outdated card, my gmail even told me so.  The man in blue laughs.

I'm glad someone was entertained by it.

The badge still swishing as I try to shove crap back into the glovebox.  I'm classy.

"Do you know why I pulled you over"

Perhaps the most irritating question to be asked by a guy in blue, holding his flashlight at that one angle that half blinds the "criminal" in the car of question.

So I reply...

Because I was going 62 in a 55mph zone.  I just finished running around like crazy for 12 hours taking care of sick patients, and this $10 pizza is the first thing that is going to go in my belly all day today.   I don't cope well when hungry.  I have a 7 year old at home who will want me to wake him up for school at 6:30am, but I have plans to study for an exam and finish up homework still tonight which probably means that I'll be up until 1:00am or so.  I'm sure the house is a wreck as my husband has been home for the past two days with our three kids solo, so there will be dishes, and laundry, and Lord knows what else to deal with when I get home...and before doing any of that, I first have to take a hot shower to wash off any of the infectious yuck off of me that I picked up while taking care of sick patients at the hospital today.  And that...well, all of that is my life, and exactly why I was speeding.  Of note, we are about 3 minutes from my neighborhood.  

And then I take a huge breath because that was all one, huge, long, run-on sentence.  My heart rate increases, in hopes he will take pity on my tiresome, stinky self...and just let me get the heck home.

He replies back with "my wife is a nurse, and the badge alone was your saving grace."  

Thank you annoying, swishy RN badge!

As he hands me my license, registration, and expired insurance cards back -

"I wouldn't want to be you.  Make sure and get your insurance card up to date.  And, hey, if that isn't your real life, you are one hell of a story teller."

License, registration and expired insurance cards back in hand.  Ticketless.

So my pizza might have gotten a bit more cold, but my smile got a bit wider.

Both of us in blue, such different jobs.

So glad I'm the one with the annoying, swishy RN badge, and that he was the one who extended grace to a speeding, exhausted, RN, mama, wife, and grad student.