The ceiling cries

There is a bucket with a towel inside of it sitting on top of a kitchen chair in my living room.  The towel inside the bucket, absolutely necessary to cease that annoying drip,drop,drip,drop,plop,splat noise that is happens every 0.02 seconds.  Why you ask.  Oh, because it decided to rain buckets here.  Not just buckets, like the skies opened up and dumped 3 inches of water over the course of about 20 minutes.

Not kidding.  At all.


I stepped out of my car long enough to key in the 4 digit password to the garage door opener so I could park the car in the garage, and got soaked.  Like stood in a shower with all of my clothes on soaked.

And I actually did my hair today.  What a waste.

So our yard is flooded, and now we have a bucket.

The bucket is to catch the drips from our leaking ceiling.

P is not a proclaimed "do-it-yourself, handy-around-the-house sort of guy."  When I asked him to go get a ladder so we could go in the attic to inspect and see where the water was coming from he didn't even know where to go to get a ladder.

The dude has  PhD, seriously.

He calls me 4 times in pursuit of a ladder, goes to two different stores, and then finally is successful in bringing one home.

*****

I use to climb up in the attic to retrieve Christmas decorations every year with my dad as a kid.  I am swift, and not afraid of heights.  I am the sort of gal who wears flip flops in the summer, and runs around barefoot outdoors - which drives my Mr. crazy.  A little dirt - well it comes off in the shower.  My Mr., however...

Before going up in the attic he puts on long pants, a long sleeved shirt, a face mask, and glasses...no joke.  Then he weasels his way up the ladder, looking like my brother looked the first time he rode a motorcycle - hands clenched on for dear life, face of fear, but determined to tackle the task at hand.

He goes up, and says, yep, not sure what needs done.

So now our ceiling has a large wet spot, we still don't know what to do about this situation...but at least we have a ladder now...

This homeowner stuff, it is hard work!

A "ticky" situation

I was tucking R into bed yesterday night after listening to him read.  He said his eye hurt.  I looked at it, and said "we'll take you to the doctor in the morning."  Surely it is conjunctivitis (pink eye) - nothing that required an ER visit at 6:30pm on a Sunday.  As I go to kiss him goodnight I spot something dark inside his ear.

"Ryk does your ear hurt?" questioning if he had a ruptured ear drum or something.

He denies any pain.  I get a Q-tip to clean it out, and nothing comes out...still dark inside his ear.

I go downstairs to get my otoscope - finally making good use of the $600 spent on the stinking thing.  I piece it together and get ready to peer inside and spot...

a watermelon seed?  Nope.  It looked like one though.

It was a...TICK!

At this point it is just after 7:00pm on a Sunday, so I call the pediatrician to see what to do, I am calm and collected about the situation, omitting the whole "OMG you have a BUG in your EAR part to Ryk because the last thing I need is a spazzing out, bug eared six year old on my hands.

I calmly explain to Paul, and he flips.the.heck.out.

"TAKE HIM TO THE ER.  GET THE BUG BIOPSIED.  TAKE CARE OF IT."

Overreacting...just a bit.

I tell him I called the pediatrician and am waiting for them to call back.

15 minutes pass.

Paul's eyes are about ready to pop out of his head at this point.  Seriously.  He is getting irritated at me for not handling this buggy situation, I am calmly waiting for the phone call back...

After 20 minutes, and right as I was getting R into the van to take him to the closest children's hospital, I get a phone call back.  The on-call pediatrician tells me because of the location of the tick (inside his ear canal) I need to bring him in to get it removed just incase it gets stuck...

Great.

So I drive there, and make small talk with R, telling him we are just going in because he "might have an ear infection" leaving out the whole - oh hey son, just taking you to the ER to get a bug removed from your ear.

We get there, watch a movie in the waiting room, get banded with matching bracelets, and wait to be called back.




The pediatrician comes in before the nurse does, tweezers and specimen cup in hand.  She quickly removes the tick (which takes along a piece of my sweet R with him, darn bug!), asks R if he wants to take it home and R, who is horrified, says



"what if it gets my brother or sister?"

They seal that sucker up in the specimen cup for proper disposal, never to suck blood from another human.

I was told to do daily tick checks on this kiddos because we had a mild winter so ticks are rampant this year.  Now I know how to remove a tick, and to watch for fever, rash, and joint pain (signs of lyme disease).

He was diagnosed with "tick bite" and "conjunctivitis" the remedy for this...a dipped cone at DQ (and some not so pleasant eye drops).

Such a stud.

Discussing taboo

I had to leave work abruptly.  I explained my scenario, and after my manager quickly brought in another nurse to take my place she said...

"I don't know how to respond to that"

She said it with bold sincerity.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Because the truth is, I don't know how to respond to it either.

and so my eyes have been a leaky mess, I've loved on my husband more, and I've hugged my kids tighter.

*****

Every mother wants to shout her joy, to everyone, once her eyes spot that bold positive sign on a pregnancy test.  But the taboo topic of miscarriage often forces many to wait out those first 12 weeks of pregnancy solo, hiding their joy because of the fear that they might just be that early miscarriage statistic.

Instead, I chose joy and hope, and shouted to the rooftop our excitement, nervousness, and anticipation of sweet baby #4.

Because it was joy.  A baby, with a visible heartbeat at 6 weeks 2 days. 

...and now the harsh reality.

I walked around with a constant reminder of pregnancy - a belly that still looked pregnant, and morning sickness that was attempting to fool every inkling in my soul, making me want to believe that this baby I have carried and grown to love those past 10 weeks is still thriving.

Because it isn't.

*****

After leaving work, a 1:30am ER visit yielded an ultrasound.  I asked the ultrasound tech to let me hear the heart beat, I wanted reassurance.  I didn't want to wait.  Oh my heart hurt.  She did exactly what I didn't want her to - she was quiet, for too long, and when she did speak I suddenly didn't want her to, because I knew what I was eventually going to be told. 

"I just do the scan, the doctor will go over the results in 30 minutes or so."  She continued to do her thing with the monitor turned at an angle which didn't allow for my viewing.

My heart sank, and the tears wouldn't stop.  

The ER doctor was so kind, acknowledging this matter so sensitively.  He didn't delay the results, he was quick to come into my room, and sat down right next to me - 

"I am so very sorry, but the ultrasound didn't detect a heartbeat." 

He valued this loss for exactly what it was, a baby, that we love, and already acknowledge as part of our family.  After that everything he said was all fuzzy.  He asked me if I needed any pain meds as he suspected a miscarriage will eventually follow in the next few weeks, and that it is important I contact my OB as soon as possible.    

I called my OB, who made me feel like her only patient she cares for.  Her compassion was exactly what I needed.  We made a plan, and for that I was thankful.

*****

My heart is aching knowing that this baby is still with me, but isn't...and that doesn't make sense at all, but at the same time it make all the sense in the world.

The truth is, there was life inside of me for 10 weeks and 2 days.  Which may not seem of value to some; but that is 72 morning runs spent planning and dreaming about life as mama to 4 little loves, 72 prenatal vitamins, 72 days of belly rubs, 72 days of gender wondering, 72 days of name searching, 72 days of celebrating the joys of pregnancy and new life.

Joyous life, and there is nothing taboo about that.

Yes, there isn't life anymore, and my heart is aching, but I have loved being able to celebrate the joy while it was there.

I know for certain, that I am blessed, regardless of this outcome. I am so lucky to have an amazing Mr. who loves me unconditionally - through the ugly cries resulting in swollen little eyes, and nights without home cooked meals.

To have three little loves, here with me, who give unsolicited hugs and kisses, and bring me "flowers" from the yard just when I need them most.

I am thankful for, and will always be gracious about, what I have been gifted with.  It would be a lie to say that this doesn't hurt terribly bad, that I'm not sad, or angry, or mad, or bitter...because I have been all of this.  But I am also feeling very fortunate and am focusing on savoring every moment with the four amazing people next to me.

Three amigos

When things suck all I need to do is be with them.

Because their zest for life makes it hard to be upset.

Happiness at the track

Running has always been a love of mine.  I do it when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, mad...and when I'm done pounding pavement for 1,2,3,4,5,6+ miles I come back a different woman.  

I wasn't able to run for a bit, to let my body heal.  The hiatus from running was tough.  So we went to the local high school, and I watched my Mr. play "coach" as my littles ran around the track. 

My Mr. explain what the this green dashed line was for - the start of the 3,000 meter run.  R attempted to get into a sprint start.  Thankfully for him he has time to master this start position, or commit to distance running and never need to utilize it, because with form  like that - this little man has some work cut out for him :).

Seeing the determination in my tiny lady's eyes as she ran an entire lap around the track without stopping, such a proud moment for this mama, my 2 year old lady with legs of steel.  

Power-house K ran 1/2 mile, then found a bench to take "a water break" 

My 6 year old has a stride that is more fluid and strong than it was just earlier this year.  After 2 "easy laps" R was quick to lose his shirt.  This kid prefers as few clothing items as possible.

No matter what is happening, it is hard not to be happy watching this.  Happiness at the track, always.  My Mr. in his element.

Nothing sexier than this man, with his crew, at our favorite place.

4

I sent P a text a few months back- which he apparently showed to friends and co-workers (thanks honey) about my paranoia because I felt like I had heightened sense of smell.

I let it boil over for a week.  A week.

Then I went to Walmart - because the purchase I was going to make seemed appropriate to do from that store...especially with three kids in tow.

Lets step back a bit.

I had an IUD, Mirena to be precise.  She'd been trustworthy for 2 years 3 months and...

well.

I has since been removed.

A positive pregnancy test on Mother's day 2013.

I quickly got an appointment to see an OB the Monday after Mother's day, she said this was her first case of a viable pregnancy with an IUD.  They did an ultrasound that day to make sure the pregnancy was implanted in the right place (most times a pregnancy with an IUD is ectopic - where it implants outside the uterus).  I was 5 weeks 2 days along, and sure enough, the pregnancy was right where it should be, and to much surprise not just one...but two!

Seriously.

I was at the appointment solo, I cried.

It was a weird cry - disbelief, excitement, nervousness - so many overwhelming emotions.  Grad school, working as a RN, three kids at home, and now twins...

Because we absolutely thrive in chaos I knew it would all be okay.

Going from 3 to 5 kids, here without family support, while I finish grad school and continue to work...well, I was feeling like I needed to do a lot of positive self talk - "we can rock this, because we are rockstars" sort of stuff.

As I was getting more set on the idea of making this all work, I went in for another appointment, and this appointment confirmed what I didn't imagine playing out in this scenario - one healthy heartbeat.  I didn't have any spotting or cramping, it didn't make sense.

I was told it was vanishing twin syndrome.  They tried to reassure me that things would be fine with baby, and to take it easy for a week.

So I took it easy, and I worried.

Long story shortened...

Today's appointment - the first appointment where we welcome the reassuring sound of a heartbeat.  I am 10 weeks along now, with one tiny human that is the size of a trap in my belly, and just so thankful for every blessing I have in my life.

We are cautiously optimistic, and feeling like this little bundle will stick around for the duration and be welcomed into our family in January 2014.

Anyway, here we go for the 4th time, which is just as exciting as the first!  Cheers to growing a family of 6!

Swinging - boys vs girl

She likes to swing, all day long.  Singing with her eyes closed.  Such a girl.

 These two prefer superman style, flying high in the air.

They could do it all day long.  Too bad we only have two swings...