On loving 3 kids

A glimpse into what it looks like with 3...

Somedays Everyday, I wonder if I am doing it right, the 3 kid juggle.  Am I giving enough attention to each of my little loves; do I love enough, do I discipline too much, am I too impatient, do I speak kind enough...I just want to do right by them. 

Lately my biggest concern is the amount of quality time I am able to give to my 4 year old.  He is pretty self sufficient, so it is easy to tell him - go grab a puzzle and I'll do it with you on the kitchen floor after I change K and J's diapers.  So he goes and gets that 100 piece puzzle while I change K, because after all, he is a self proclaimed "puzzle master."

He is patient with his brother, and doesn't get bothered at K's attempts to "help" while I am changing J.

 and what I thought a simple, quick diaper change turned into a blow-out necessitating a bath from my sweet little J.  So priority of care is just obvious - get poop off baby and "play" puzzle with 4 year old after.

and while I am getting her dressed, my little "puzzle master," is busy working away.  Every once in a while he would state, "hey mom, I sure am a puzzle master." 

 I look and nod, not saying a word.  He says it again.  "Hey mom, I sure am a puzzle master."  This time I verbally respond, "you sure are buddy!" 

And after I finish giving J a bath and starting a load of laundry from the diaper blow, my 19 month old goes to his chair at the table saying, pleading really, "eat, eat, EAT!"  So again priority of care trumps that puzzle time with my 4 year old, gotta make lunch for a hungry little guy.  And by the time that is done, my little 4 year old proudly declares..."I sure am a puzzle master mom" pointing to his finished puzzle with a smirk of accomplishment covering his little face.

and I am crushed. 

He did it, solo. 

I told him I'd do it with him, but he did it solo. 

So many things he does like this during the day when it is just me an my three little loves.  I want so much to be there with him, exploring everything beside him, but priority of care wins.

And then that moment comes, when the 19 month old is napping, and my 4 year old is suppose to be doing quiet time.  We ditch normal length quiet time, so we can have some one-on-one time together.

and today we make our potato head family, and we snuggle, and giggle, and hug.

Then the J monitor shows she is waking up.  I say I have to go get J.  R peeps up, lets go snuggle in your bed with her then.

and I am reassured, we must be doing something right because of the way he gives up his mommy time so generously, to go give snuggles to his sister.  The way he kisses her forehead so gently, holds her little hands, sings her songs.  This little 4 year old, the guy who made me a mama, loves his siblings more than anything.  I am waiting for sibling rivalry to come.  That moment when he realizes that the promised puzzle time didn't happen, and that his mom is busy tending to other little loves.  But so far, nothing but love.  So this 3 kid juggle, and spending less time with the one who made me a mama is worth it.  Because maybe I might not get to spend every moment with him like I once did, I get to see him now in a new role...big brother.

and it is pretty amazing.

I think he is digging it.

I know he is digging it.

and that makes my mama heart melt.