Date day

I sent her a text a week ago, "can you watch our crew on Sunday from noon -5:30?"

She says "Of course!"

I feel a twinge of guilt.  Taking 4.5 hours out of our day we could be spending as a family of 6, to focus on time with my Mr.  

I had a week to cancel, but instead I just went with it - Date day was marked on the calendar.  He was so very excited.

I told him I felt guilty, he knew I felt guilty about it.  In typical Paul-like manner, "we don't have to go, honey.  I know you want to be here, with them."  I could see it in his eyes, the desire to have some solo, grown up conversation, but the empathy to know how hard it is for me to juggle this all.

Role overload is what it is called.  The deep desire to be amazing with every role I've been gifted with.  Somedays it is hard to find that perfect work-life, wife/mama/NP balance.  

I'm forced by the whole full time job thing to show up for work when I'm scheduled.  So on my days off, it is hard to pry myself away from home.  From them.  But almost 10 years ago this Mr. gave me a shiny married ring, and 15 years ago he crept forever into my heart, and just as much as I need to nurture and love on our littles - I need to focus on nurturing and loving my Mr even more.

And you know what, there is absolutely nothing selfish about that.    

So yesterday we enjoyed being P+K.  We deserved it, they deserve to grow up around parents who are over the moon in love, and you know what…when we were out I didn't feel one second of guilt.  At all.

Lunch at Newks - overpriced sandwiches, soda, and chips in a table squeezed between two other large groups.  Not an ideal setting for most out on a date, but for us, the calm of not feeding 4 littles, or telling them to use inside voices, or to sit up, or to stop the potty talk…yeah, this middle squeezed table was just fine.

Then a movie - Focus.  So good to snuggle up to my Mr. for the duration of the movie.

Finally, the best part of date day.  5 miles of trail exploring, puddle jumping, and rain running.  A very Paul and Kristina like adventure, just him and me, together.  Just like back home, but here.  In that soggy moment, I realized that maybe, just maybe Mississippi isn't so terrible.  Now it isn't Oregon, but it isn't terrible either.  And this is a good place to be at.