Children are a reality check: Always.

Snow flurries, and 24 degree weather paired with three littles who refused to put on coats/hats/gloves to go outside and run off some pent up energy, created the usual happening around here during winter time in KY.  A couch full of clean, unfolded clothes sat people-less as the three littles ran around screaming.  The sound of bare feet hitting the floor assured a run-fest among 3 wild littles was occurring.

They pleaded, "chase us mama, chase us."  So I obliged.  It is hard to resist them.


Amidst the chaos of three littles in need of running out some energy I heard the calmness of Norah Jones Pandora station playing in the background, enjoyed the flicker of the candle (the one Paul would have blown out if he was home, because he likes to do that), and the smell of baking brownies - little reminders of peace and calm tucked in the noise and chaos that comes with raising littles.  Despite it all, I couldn't help but smile, soaking in this ordinary, beautiful, mess of ours with these beauties...


A quick break from the running chaos for some goofy self portraits created those belly giggles that I want to bottle and keep forever.  They make silly faces, demand to see the back of the camera, and then fall to the floor laughing, pleading to repeat the process.  So I did, over and over.  188 times to be exact. We have a lot of goofy pictures to choose from now.

 When the excitement of self portraits wore off, it was an all out wresting match.  First two on one - the preschoolers join together to take down the school aged child.

It was all fun and games, until the oldest became a sore looser and pouted in the corner, ticked that "the babies beat" him.  The wrestling match quickly became one on one, giant preschooler vs tiny preschooler.  Kip was tender, and gentle with her, much different than the prior aggression he showed when wrestling his brother.  4 years old, and he already knows, girls need treated differently.  Proud mama moment.

The snack time,  smoothie spill in the kitchen and the resulting sticky floors prompted Ryker to ask about mopping it up.  "I'll do it later tonight, once you are in bed buddy.  I don't want to waste time that I could be playing with you guys, cleaning." He replied with "How about we all clean it up, that way you don't have to do it by yourself?"  Such a sweet fella he is, that boy.  So what was suppose to just be a little smoothie spill clean up, the three kids turned the mop job into a kitchen floor slip n' slide.  Zipping back and forth on soap suds, of which I'm sure aren't favorable to sit on the flooring in our kitchen for very long... but the memories they made, totally worth the potential damage to the floor, and the soaping wet trail from the kitchen to the bathrooms they left behind heading to get their evening showers/baths done.

After bath/shower time, they were exhausted, and hungry, and I made the mistake of blowing off dinner plans to enjoy a kid-planned afternoon/evening with them instead of being a responsible parent.  They all three synchronized their fussing, and fighting, and our beautiful afternoon/evening enjoyment tuned into sheer chaos.  Kip hit Ryk, Ryk hit Kip, Ryk said "I hate you…, Jovie was screaming I wanna EAT!"  and I lost it.

I yell, yes, yell - "can everyone just shut up and sit down at the table?"

Instantly my heart sinks, and they looked at me in shock and disbelief.  Ryker said "we don't say shut up in this family, and we don't yell it either!"  I didn't even try to make an excuse for my action…because my 7 year old was absolutely right.  It was a very humbling moment, which made me extremely quick to apologize.  See to him, the way I said it…yelled it...it didn't even matter so much what I said, (and yes I acknowledge it was terrible) it was the way I said it that stuck with him.  It shaped their impression of me, every single one of them.  I hated that.  I failed them.  I never want to make them feel like that, ever again.  Ever.

After an apology related to my outburst, and apologies all around to the deserving recipient from the hitting/hating/yuck that occurred in those 5 terrible, day ruining minutes of our hunger-induced melt-down, I saved the night by resorting to those homemade muffins sitting on top of the oven cooling, the ones intended for breakfast tomorrow.  Muffins, yogurt and fruit.  Not dinner-like at all, but most definetly was a win-win.  A guaranteed mealtime of no complaints, and full, content bellies.  Such a gift to this worn out, emotional, mama who was running low, and doing this parenting gig solo since Paul worked until 8pm tonight, such is the life of a professor.

We all snuggled under the electric blanket as we watched a show for 15 minutes to settle in before bruising teeth, reading books, and getting tucked in.  Kip said "I love you mom," Ryk was snuggled up under my right arm, Jovie on my left, and Kip off by himself at the end by all our feet, his choosing.  They all made a compromise on watching Peter Rabbit.  Finally, I get their teeth brushed, tucked them in, and turned the lights out right at 7pm for those crazy, exhausted preschoolers, who were more than happy to declare shut eye.  Then I had 45 minutes to spend with my firstborn little love, reading, talking, and doing homework.  I turned out his light, kissed him, and said -  "I love you Ryker, so much, always."

He says "I love you more.  So much love, the highest number you can count to"

I walked downstairs with tears.  As much as I fail at this parenting gig, I realize I am so infinitely blessed with amazing kids who accept me, and love me unconditionally despite my moments of failure. Parenting is the most humbling, amazing experience ever, and I feel so blessed to be given do-overs with them again and again, and for them to still look up to me with such love when I have these mama-fail moments.

*****
and on a totally unrelated note - I rocked a 3 mile run tonight, then ate McD's (because that makes a ton of sense, right?).  And then Paul nonchalantly told me, mid french-fry bite, oh I have a phone interview with Oregon State University TOMORROW.  As in, a it is a no big deal sort of manner.  Um….Insert kitchen dance party moment here.  So tomorrow at 9am (Oregon time) 1pm our time, is the phone call.  I asked him if he was nervous - he said "I am not.  There is not a reason to be."  We are so hopeful that this interview season will bring exciting opportunities for my Mr!