Christmastime

I want to be in my mom and dad's kitchen making a mess cookies and yummy stuff with my sisters.  I want to dress up my baby girl in a frilly Christmas like dress and have family member say how amazingly adorable she is.  I want to gather at my parents house on Christmas eve (my dad's birthday) celebrating, loving, hugging, enjoying every single moment with family.  I want to love every noisy moment that a chaotic Loprinzi family gathering brings - little Loprinzi kids, all 12 of them together.  I want to eat my gram's tea ring for breakfast Christmas morning, the one she'd send home with us after enjoying a day spent together, a gathering of 4 generations.  I want to continue on the festivities at my grandma and grandpa's house the day after Christmas, playing dominoes and smiling at how ridiculously cute my grandparents are together.

That would be my perfect gift.  Nothing that money can buy.

Instead we are here, the 5 of us.  Not that here is bad, but it isn't there.

I am trying hard, really hard, to like it here.

So I'll suck it up, and clean out the oven so I can bake here, with my kids.  I'll create the kitchen memories with two little boys, the ones that I wish I could still have with my sisters.  I'll call my grams and get her tea ring recipe, and make that too.  Instead of board games with siblings I'll teach Ryk to play new games.

It is a learning process, this holiday away from family thing.

I am trying to be good about it.  But it is hard.

I just want to do my best to create these memories for my kids, and it makes me sad knowing that my memories of Christmas aren't about the gifts I got each year (though don't get me wrong, I vividly still remember that darn "water baby doll" - thanks dad for filling it with warm water to make it feel "life like")- it was about quality time spent with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...and I just can't create these memories for them this year.

As much as I wish I could fly back to Oregon (I almost put home, but home is here, not in Oregon) for the holidays, it just isn't feasible...my new job (the downfall to being an RN - gotta work holidays) and then the logistics, stress, and chaos that flying with 3 little kids during one of the most busy travel times of the year brings...yep we are staying put.

And even though I don't have a house full of guests to entertain, I have the 4 most precious people in the world who deserve to have the experience that would come with hosting a Christmas party.  So I'm on it.  I'm writing list, scouring cookbooks, and darn it we'll have a rocking holiday just the 5 of us. Unlike previous years, I won't have a hodge podge of yummy goods gathered from each holiday party to put out for my family on Christmas day, so I'll need to make fudge, cookies, a pie, etc... and I guess I'll just dream about that salmon dip my uncle makes - because that it is just something I can't replicate.

*****
In other exciting news, I'm charging up my batteries.  My camera, it'll be back in action on the 23rd, just in time to capture memories of my Mr. turning...29.  I can't wait!  Just in time to capture memories of how we make the holidays our own, here.