Humbling

I have always been a perfectionist.  It is a love/hate issue that I have with myself.

Then we moved away from all of our family, I started grad school and work as a night shift RN, while raising a growing family of littles and loving my husband.  The latter roles are the most important of the bunch.

I quickly realized that taking on so much, well, the superwoman cape was easily tattered.

So I threw it out.  Acknowledging that being perfect at all I decided to take on, is impossible.  There just aren't enough hours in the day for it.  So, if I wanted to continue, to finish the tasks that I have started, and be a happy, whole, loving lady I needed to accept that sometimes average is...well, perfect.

Since I refuse to be average as wife/mama, the highest, most precious roles I will ever have I needed to make some compromise.  I work as a RN just two days on the weekend, and because I am entrusted to care for people I obviously can't be less than perfect at that.  So the only role left to cut myself some slack...grad school.

This might not sound like a big deal to some, but for me it is huge... 

I've accepted that B's get degrees.  A mindset foreign to me a year ago.  I am so disappointed in myself for taking an entire year to have this epiphany.  But goodenss the benefits of this acceptance...a happy home, happy hubby, happy kids, happy wife = happy life.

So yesterdays exam when I earned an 84% - it was a moment of joy.  A jumping heel click, give a high five to a stranger sort of joy.  I earned that "perfect-to-me" grade while working this past weekend, and loving on my husband/kids when I wasn't working.  I can't spend all of my time studying these precious moments with my family away in hopes of being the top of my class and getting all A's.  Instead I choose to be average in grad school, and focus my energy on the real stuff.

I choose them.  Always.