The greater good

I haven't been the master of this wife, mama, RN, grad school juggle at all.  Don't believe me, ask my husband.

There were more tears than smiles this term - granted given the crap shoot of the past month, I guess that was to be expected.

But yesterday evening I walked out of ethics class, with a smile.  Perhaps because it marked the end of my first year of grad school.  Also noteworthy - the point in which I am half way done, it is all down hill from here, baby.  Or perhaps the excitement stemmed form being so elated about never having to sit through another one of her ethics classes ever again!  I couldn't contain my relief and excitement, and so,  I did a mid air jumping heel click.  A stranger smiled, and gave me a high five, obviously moved by my enthusiasm.

There she is, that girl I know.  The one full of life, and happiness, and joy.  She's back.  

I'm getting there.  Day by day, one second closer to being done.

This time next year I'll be finished.  And it will be an amazing feeling of accomplishment.

Grad school has been the most selfless thing I've ever done, and probably will ever do.  I say that not to boast my own ego, but to be honest and transparent.  This was something I NEVER wanted to do.  Something that I, unfortunately, remind Paul too frequently of.  That will stop, because from here on out, I am committed.  Committed to finishing this thing, for me, for Paul, and for our sweet kiddos.  It is something that ultimately I've chosen to do, because it is for the greater good of our family.  No amount of blaming or feelings of resentment will make this situation better.

So for me, I'm choosing lemonade.  Because the lemons
of this past year have been sour, and bitter, and made me a lady I don't want to be.  I have a choice in this amazing life I've been gifted with...


It is to choose lemonade.  Always.  And to enjoy it with my Mr.